The missing post...

A lot of you may not know me personally and that's why I am writing this. I believe only two people know this about me, Uriel Salinas and Zulema Salinas. *chuckle*... I actually thought that my so called brother would have had a little more sympathy for me when I told him this but I was mistaken. This person I spent my whole childhood with had disappeared. He seems to have just walked away and forgotten everything he once loved. This new person he has become, I don't know. Zulema on the other hand, talked to me about this problem I had. She comforted me in a way. She still does to this day even though we don't talk about it. She is just there for me whenever I need her. Growing up as a child I noticed I was different. I wasn't like all of the other boys that chased around all of the girls around and I wasn't one of the little kids in the family that looked up to their older brother. I actually grew looking up to my two older sisters and playing childhood games on my street; such as "El Paso, Texas". My Best Friend back then was Uri. He and I were very close and we would always sleep over each other's house. Hanging out with him and my other friends changed everything. It made me forget all of the wrong in my head. This wrong came from my mother and her Bible, the Bible that kept my mind running without stops, the Bible that lead me to believe I was not meant to be alive. It started with my mother telling me that homosexuality was wrong and her taking me and my sister to church every week. Those words that came out of my mothers mouth thad day never left me. I fought myself over and over trying to think what was wrong with me and why I was like this and finally came to a conclusion. I took the fist opportunity I had and tried to end the horrid suffering I was dealing with. I was home alone and knew what I had to do. I opened my room door and walked into the kitchen. I looked for the kitchen blade I had always seen my mom cutting chicken with. I found it and tried to think for a second but nothing came to my head. I raised the blade up to my chest and probably stood there for about an hour. I slowly pushed the blade's point against my chest and cried. I cried because I didnt know why god made me this way or why I was even born. Still standing, I heard the door open. I hurried and placed the blade back where it belonged. My mother came in and asked what I was doing. Lying, I told her I was just looking for something to eat. I scurried back to my room and thought for hours. I cried myself to sleep that night. I tried again a couple of times but they were all failed attempts. This is what I told my so called brother, Uri. After telling him this and getting the cheap, fake sympathy, I knew he was gone. I know he and I still have a bond but maybe just not as strong. This has been a factor to my recent Shitty Feelings. Oh well. I just hope I get better. Till laters.